If I don't write this, I'm going to explode. This has been stirring inside me for quite some time, but I've put it off making excuses, waiting till I have "it all together," waiting until I know exactly what to say, how to say it...I like to call it "perfectionism paralysis." It's a dangerous, debilitating, deadly complex. It's the in-between action and inaction. You know what you need to do, want to do, and are called to do BUT the mind gets in the way. Pride starts to rear it's ugly little head and you begin to question yourself: I'm not qualified. What do I have to say? Will people like what I say? Who will read it?... The perfectionistic, gotto do it right, it's gotta be perfect, it's gotta be publishable material consumes you and the result--NOTHING. INACTION. RIEN. DE NADA. And that's exactly where the enemy of our souls wants us. He wants us paralyzed caught in the inbetween.

We know what we should do and are called to do, but we are waiting for the exact right moment when we have it all together, when the stars come into alignment, when we know exactly what to say and when to say it. News to you and me: it's never gonna happen. Something is always going to be lacking. We are broken sojourners in need of grace.

It's been a long time for me to grasp this concept, but I'm beginning to accept it more and more--I am never going to have it all together here on earth. I am always going to have something in my life that's lacking, something that needs fixing, something that cries for attention. And that's part of the beauty of heaven and what children of God have to look forward to. Heaven is where our brokeneness ceases to exist. Our broken bones, bodies, souls, and emotions become WHOLE. COMPLETE. PERFECT.

So in the midst of injury (a broken rib--read about the bike crash in "Going Uphill") this is what I learned today through reading Daniel: GOD IS ABLE. He can do it. Regardless if He chooses to do it or not (complete healing now--tomorrow--this week), HE IS ABLE and I will not be deterred. I will press on in battle. I will press on in pursuit of wholeness and holiness in Him. I do not know the inner workings and all that is going on in the spiritual realm and behind the scenes, but God does. And it's not up to me to know. He knows best for the short term and best for the long term. He has the microscopic AND telescopic view of things. He sees the minute details of today and the vastness of tomorrow and the days to come. What may seem like a simple fix to me--healing now--may not be in my best interest in the long run. It's not up to me to question--it's up to me to TRUST and come into agreement with His will regardless of what it may be.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18, NIV emphasis added)

Another scripture that came to my mind today, John 9:3 (below). What if this injury isn't about me at all? What if it's about those within my sphere of influence and them encountering God through me in the midst of this injury? What if I've been counted worthy to be used as a vessel for God to shine forth His power, majesty and soveriegnty?

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." (John 9:1-3, NIV emphasis added)

Consider this friend: stop asking "why me, God." And beginning asking, "why not me!" He considers you worthy to endure hardship (physical ailments, financial troubles, relational difficulties--whatever your current challenge is) for the sake of His Name being made known to the world. If that's the case, I'm all in. What about you?

Let's stop dragging our feet to what He's doing and start saying YES, God. YES, God. YES, God, use me in the midst of my present difficultites and earthly challenges because I know they too will pass. I have a greater inheritance awaiting me than anything here on earth. If I have to endure temporary setback for the sake of Christ, Amen. Even if I have to endure setback because He simply wants to teach me something about myself through this struggle, Amen. It's all a part of His grandiose plan and preparation for the Life to come.

I can either wallow in despair and ask "why?" Or I can choose to press into His heart and what He's doing in me, through me and around me in the midst of this injury.

Be blessed friend,
Natalie K.